Lately I’ve noticed a lot of people are feeling drained by life — the challenges they’re facing, their workloads, the anxiety of the world around them, and more.

Someday soon I’ll write a longer guide to how to get yourself to a place of renewed resilience … but for today, I’d like to share how I practice when I just don’t feel much of a capacity to do anything.

1. First, I notice that I just don’t have it today. I’d like to crush life and get a ton of crap done, but today isn’t the day. I’m drained, depleted.

2. Then I ask: “What do I need to do to take care of myself?” That might mean taking a nap, taking a day off, doing a lighter workload, skipping my workout for today, meditating, going for a walk, taking a bath, drinking a cup of tea, talking to a friend, listening to music, watching some trashy television, eating a little dark chocolate, giving myself love.

3. I like to empower the time off. That means, instead of feeling bad about it — I see it as a way to love myself and get myself back where I’d like to be.

I savor the rest time. Create the space, and experience it as delicious. Bask in the spaciousness, in the love.

4. Next, I ask: “Is there anything I’d like to do with my limited capacity?” If I’m drained, I might still have it in me to do a little. If I really want to exercise, I can go for a short walk, or an easy swim. If I have work that needs doing, maybe I can just do a little.

I can do a little, and do it slowly and easily. I don’t have to push myself hard. I can breathe, and bring a sense of relaxation and ease to everything I do. Lower my expectations of myself, let go of whatever I think I should be doing, let go of any pressure. And just do things on Easy Mode.

5. Finally I ask: “What do I need to do to get myself to where I’d like to be?” Maybe it will take a day, a week, a month, or more, depending on what you’re facing in life. For me, it usually only takes a day or two, but I know people facing huge health challenges, and how long it’ll take them is completely unknown, except that we know they’re in for the long haul.

However long it takes, the question might still be worth asking — what do I need to do to get myself to where I’d like to be? Maybe I need to start sleeping better, start exercising more, start putting more whole foods high in fiber into my body. Maybe meditate, go for reflective walks, journal, get therapy or a coach, join a treatment program, go to a doctor.

Then I take the smallest step in that direction. With low energy, I can’t get it all done … but I can start. Whatever my capacity is to take a step in that direction is perfect — I don’t need to have a huge capacity to move towards self-care, self-love, and nourishment. I use whatever capacity is available to me.

Sometimes we just don’t have much. This might just be the perfect place to be today. That doesn’t mean we’ll be there tomorrow. But in this place of drained energy, can we still find beauty?

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Resilience helps us to deal with the chaos and overwhelm … but how to we create it when we feel like we’re underwater?

The first step is to remove things that are adding unnecessary stress. The second step is to do things that help us feel replenished.

Those two steps won’t get us all the way to full resilience, but they’re a huge huge start.

Remove Extra Stress

Some stress is inevitable — wishing for a life where we feel zero stress is just going to add more stress.

But if we are flooded with stress, removing some of it can help us to clear the space to create even more resilience. If we don’t remove the extra stress, we’ll never do the things we need to take care of ourselves, or to train our minds to be more resilient.

So removing unnecessary stress is the first step.

Some examples:

• If you’re drinking a lot, reduce down to 1-2 glasses of wine a night. Zero might be even better for some, but it’s useless to ask someone to quit alcohol when they’re flooded with stress.
• Similarly, reducing smoking or other narcotics or drugs would be a big help.
• If you’re working late into the night, creating a stopping point earlier would be a big help, if possible.
• Cut back on your workload a bit, if you’re able to.
• Stop saying yes to everything, and take fewer meetings.
• If you’re fighting a lot with someone, refrain for a bit. Take a breather and let yourself settle.
• If you’re watching things or playing games late into the night and getting little sleep, cut back on that.
• If you’re watching news or reading things online that really get you angry, stop that for awhile.
• Cut out social media if that gets you anxious.

And so on.

Removing these stressors will help you catch your breath.

Then Replenish Yourself

I don’t mean that you have to take a spa weekend (though that would be great!) … I mean doing little things that help you feel more recharged and settled.

These things fill you up, so that you can better take on the world.

For example:

• Go for walks out in nature.
• Create space for reading, having tea, taking a bath, journaling.
• Talk with someone regularly, in person or over the phone.
• Take naps.
• Get better sleep.
• Take a weekend off.
• Get some sunshine, if there’s any where you are.
• Take moments of stillness and deep breathing during your day.

These little things can make a huge difference.

You won’t get all the way to resilience with these two steps — but you’ll have given yourself what you need to take the further steps of shifting your thinking patterns and practicing resilience.

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That’s understandable, and I feel tremendous compassion for everyone who is suffering right now.

I strongly believe that this is an opportunity for us all, to use this difficult environment to shift something for ourselves.

This can be our mental training ground, if we view it that way.

We can use this environment to learn how to:

• Focus when we’re feeling overwhelmed
• Find joy in the middle of the ordinary and mundane
• Have compassion for ourselves when we’re feeling difficult emotions
• Connect with others who are feeling those same difficult emotions
• Find a sense of meaning in everything we do
• Relax when things are chaotic

Basically, everything that arises as a mental difficulty for us right now is a perfect opportunity to train.

The pandemic might be our greatest teacher.

The Opportunity of This Time

The truth is, all of this has always been here. We’ve always been distracted, numbing our difficult emotions like loneliness and sadness and anger with social media, food, alcohol and other comforts. We’ve always felt uncertainty, anxiety, frustration and overwhelm.

It’s just that this pandemic has brought it all front and center. Put it directly in our faces, so we can’t ignore it.

That’s difficult, but it’s also an opportunity — to look directly at the things we don’t want to admit to ourselves.

To become present to our emotions.

To train ourselves in compassion, gratitude, wonder, connection, meaning and mindfulness.

It’s terrible that people are getting sick and dying, of course — we don’t want to pretend that everything is rainbows and unicorns. It’s terrible that people are turning to drugs and other unhealthy ways of coping with all of this.

But I believe in making the most of whatever is in front of us. Let’s use the opportunity of this time.

How to Train

We start first by recognizing whatever is there for us: overwhelm, distraction, loneliness, sadness, frustration, disconnect, anxiety.

We get present with it: how does it feel in our body? Can we be with the sensations of these emotions, mindfully, gently, with openness and curiosity?

We bring compassion to ourselves — a sense of warmth and wanting happiness for ourselves.

We then try a new frame of mind — here are a handful to try out:

• Curiosity: can we be curious about something in this moment, from the sensations of our emotions to what another person is going through? What changes for you when you practice curiosity?
• Wonder: Can we view this moment (ourselves, our surroundings, other people) with a sense of awe and appreciation? With a sense of wonder at the miracle of life? How does that change things for you?
• Gratitude: Can we feel a sense of gratitude for what we have in this moment, for the other person, for our eyesight? What would it be like to lose those things? Can we see the things we have through this new lense of appreciation?
• Meaning: What if everything we did had a sense of meaning — what if every act could be a way to love ourselves, or to love and serve others? How would that change each act for you?
• Mindfulness: Can we simply be present in this moment? Connect with a sense of spaciousness and awareness of what is happening right now? What shifts for you when you do this?
• Connection: Can we feel a sense of connection to others in each moment? To the light in ourselves? To the world around us? And realize how we’re supported by the entire world.
• Empowerment: There’s a big difference between doing something because we feel we should, or because we have to … and doing something because we choose to. Can you choose into each act in your day? Or choose out of it, if you really don’t want to do it? What would life be like if you were choosing to do things from an empowered place, rather than feeling like life was happening to you?

Choose one at a time, and practice it for a few days. Life in the pandemic will give you plenty of practice opportunities, if you look for them. Embrace them, and train.

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It’s not the only time death has hit our loved ones in recent years — aside from my father and Eva’s dad dying, we’ve had other close relatives and friends die as well. It can hit you pretty hard.

I’ve been coming to see death differently as I’ve been studying as a Zen student, and while it doesn’t take away the grief, I’ve been finding it helpful:

Death isn’t the end.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, not in the traditional religious sense of heaven or hell. But I do believe that what we think of as death is just a continuation of an ongoing process.

Let’s think of an apple: it is formed from water from the apple tree’s surroundings, sugar and other materials the tree gathers from the ground and air and sunlight … so before the apple was an “apple,” it was the world around it. The world came together to make an apple — it’s not like it just appeared from nowhere. The apple grows and continually changes, and then falls and becomes the earth again. There was never a start or end to the process, it was just continually ongoing.

Everything is like this: part of an ongoing process, without a real beginning or end. People included. In fact, what we think of as a person is just a part of the ongoing process of the world.

And when a person dies, they aren’t gone. They become the earth. They grow into apples, and mangos, and breadfruit, and water buffalo (what we call “carabao” in Guam).

That’s just the person’s body. Their personality doesn’t end either — we remember them, and laugh about jokes they made, and retell their stories, and live lives inspired by them. Their legacy becomes a part of us, of our families. A part of all of humanity, just as they were a continuation of the legacy of the people who shaped them.

The loved ones who died are not gone. They are in all of us, in their kids and grandkids. In the culture and society they helped to shape. In the work that they did, the DNA they passed on, the spirit that they instilled.

My loved ones are in me, and I honor them with every act.

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BY LEO BABAUTA

Most of us have something on our task list we’re avoiding. Or a project we’ve been putting off.

Think for a moment: what’s the task or project you’ve been avoiding lately?

Some possibilities:

• That report you don’t want to write
• Your book or blog you’ve been meaning to write
• The business you’ve been wanting to create for years
• Your garage you’ve been meaning to declutter
• That email that’s been sitting in your inbox for a month
• Going for a run

So what is it you’ve been avoiding? Identify it now before you move on.

In this article, we’ll look at why you’re avoiding it, and how to actually do the thing.

Why We Avoid the Thing

We often spend our days doing everything but the hard thing we don’t want to do.

We’ll research something to death instead of actually just doing the thing. We’ll talk about it, read about it, buy all the equipment for it, but not actually do the thing. We’ll do our email, messages, small tasks, and check social media or the news — just real quick! — instead of doing the thing.

Why? We’re protecting ourselves from uncertainty. We don’t want to feel like we don’t know what we’re doing. We don’t want to look stupid. We don’t want to feel overwhelmed, we don’t want to feel like we’re not good enough, we don’t want to feel like a failure or disappointment.

We’re protecting ourselves from feeling that. So we do everything else, out of protection.

And of course, it doesn’t work. Avoiding doing the thing actually just makes us feel more overwhelmed, more like a failure or disappointment, more stupid or not good enough.

Avoidance doesn’t actually work.

So how can we stop avoiding, and actually do the thing?

How to Actually Do the Thing

We do the thing by deciding to do the thing. Like, deciding decisively to do it.

We have to pause for a moment and actually consider that we’re avoiding something – which is what I asked you to do at the beginning. Did you do it then? We usually don’t want to face that fact, so it can help to have someone else to talk to about it, to report to, to commit to. Every day, tell someone what hard thing you’re going to do, and by when. Then report to them the next day, right before you tell them what you’re going to do that day.

Decide to do it, and then don’t waver. Don’t let yourself argue about it. When you decide to do it, just commit and do it.

Do it at a certain time: tell your accountability buddy you’re going to do it at 10am, or whatever works best. Set a reminder. Do it when the reminder goes off.

Psyche yourself up, if it helps. Play some pump-up music, get some tea, clear distractions, and then pour yourself into it. Do a countdown: 5-4-3-2-1 and then do it!

Do it with someone else. Meet someone for a focus session on a video call at a certain time, and tell them what you’re going to do for the next hour, while they tell you when they’re going to do. Set a timer, don’t talk, just work. When the timer goes off, report to each other how it went. Repeat daily. Save these focus sessions for the thing you’re avoiding.

Get into the action habit. The habit of recognizing what you’re avoiding, turning towards it (instead of away from it), and then just starting.

Get small victories. Small victories are incredibly powerful. Avoiding doing a big task? Do 5 minutes of it. Do 10 minutes. Eventually, doing an hour of it will be much easier, but do the smallest possible chunk, and get a victory. Celebrate it! Do a dance, acknowledge yourself. Then get another victory.

With practice, the habit of doing the thing you’re avoiding can become so much easier. Use these techniques to get there.

If you’d like to train in doing the hard thing, I highly encourage you to join my Fearless Living Academy, where that’s exactly what we do together.

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“There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the moment.”

Hagakure

BY LEO BABAUTA

If you’re in a job where you could be doing a thousand things, staying focused for most of the day can become a big problem. We want to do too much.

Today I’d like to talk about this hard problem faced by anyone doing meaningful work.

If you don’t tackle this challenge, you’ll be left feeling scattered and unfocused, overwhelmed and disconnected.

If you can take it on … you can create an experience of getting meaningful things done.

How does that sound? Let’s dive in.

Staying Focused on Meaningful Tasks

I don’t think I need to go too much into the problem of feeling scattered and unfocused during the day — most of us are pretty damn familiar with that.

So how do we tackle it?

The method is fairly simple, though of course it’s so easy to be led astray from it (I lose this thread all the time). I’ve been advocating this for almost 14 years now:

1. Make a short list. I recommend 3-5 important, meaningful tasks. And then a few more smaller tasks you’ll take on later in the day when you don’t have as much focus power. These are the tasks you’ll take on today (ideally make the list the evening before).
2. Order the list, and pick the top one. If you spend time the evening before, or just a few minutes first thing in the morning, prioritizing your short list … you won’t have to think about it when the time comes to execute. This is really important. Don’t let yourself negotiate — pick the top thing on your list and don’t question it at execution time.
3. Execute your ass off on this one thing. Focus on this and nothing else. Close off distractions. Don’t worry about everything else that needs to be done. This is the only thing in the universe. If you get interrupted, take care of the interruption (or put it on your list for later), and then get back to focusing. Pour yourself into it, with as much meaning as you can (more on this below).
4. Repeat. When you’re done with the task or can’t work on it because you’re waiting on something, pick the next one on the list. When you don’t have focus power anymore (late afternoon for me), take care of the smaller, easy tasks that need to get done.

I keep one long list of tasks that I need (or would like) to do sometime (my backlog), and pick from that each day.

It’s important to keep the list short — you don’t want to have everything you could possibly do on the short list.

Let’s talk about the common problems you’ll face — especially the biggest problem of all.

The Common Problems (Including the Big One)

There are some key problems to know about and take on.

If you finish your short list tasks early, you could get more from your long list … or take the rest of the day off!

If you don’t get them all done (very common), just put them back on the long list or carry them forward to tomorrow’s short list. You only need two text documents (or Google docs) to do this method.

This method solves the very very common problem of trying to do too much — it asks you to only do a few things, and really only one thing at a time. You always know what that one thing is, so there’s no overwhelming number of choices.

The biggest problem, if you’re doing this method, is feeling like you don’t want to do a task, and avoiding by going to easy tasks or distractions. This is so common that there are a thousand books written about it. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s a human trait — just notice. It’s easy to notice with this method, because you always know what you should be focused on.

When you notice yourself avoiding something hard or uncertain … the method is to turn towards it. Turn towards what you’re avoiding. Open to the discomfort, embrace it as training and growth. Bring curiosity. Do it even when you don’t feel like it.

This is the training. The simple method makes it easier. Take it on, and see what happens.

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